'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
