Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
