I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
