I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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