it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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