carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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