one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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