just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
