How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
