When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
