We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
