Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
