i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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