She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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