Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize