Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
