She's JV to your varsity
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
