What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my liver is dry heaving
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
