just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize