too bad you live with your parents still
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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