Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
