I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
