So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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