he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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