There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
