I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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