Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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