I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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