The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
