bring money and cleavage
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize