alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
