I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
