i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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