First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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