how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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