4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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