I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
