He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
