Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My cat gives me a boner
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
