I bet he comes in French.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
