Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
