Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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