someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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