He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Shame is for Republicans.
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