he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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