Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
