I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize