are you so shy because you have an std?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
