On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
