it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize