I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
