I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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