3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
