Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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