I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
