New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
