Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
