It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i now understand why vodka
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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