I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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