She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
