Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
